Find Love by Paul Brunson

Author:Paul Brunson [Brunson, Paul C.]
Language: eng
Format: epub
ISBN: 9781529915815
Publisher: Ebury Publishing
Published: 2024-02-02T00:00:00+00:00

STAYING OPEN-MINDED

Throughout the process of meeting new people, it’s so important to remain open-minded. When I worked as a matchmaker, most of my clients were hard-charging professionals in their forties. When they hired me, right out of the gate they would give me a long list of things they wanted in a partner. I had one client who gave me a spreadsheet of about 150 things she wanted in a husband – no exaggeration – even down to him having good feet, along with photos to illustrate what she meant. This was an extreme example, but the majority of people I worked with were highly engaged and, in my opinion, fairly close-minded.

Meanwhile, my oldest client was in her late seventies. And to be honest, I was reluctant to take her on, but I did, because I liked a challenge. When I sat down to do my intake call with her, I was ready for her to give me a long list of requirements. Instead, she said, ‘Paul, I’m in my seventies. Do you know how hard it is to find a man my age who can walk up the stairs to my apartment? I want you to find me a man who can walk up three flights of stairs.’

I said, ‘OK, what else?’

‘That’s it.’

‘Are you serious?’

‘Yes, I’m absolutely serious. I only want you to find me a man who can walk up three flights of stairs to my apartment.’

Once I got over my surprise, I realised that she was very wise. As well as being an indicator of good general health, she was also telling me that she was completely open-minded. She was saying, ‘I don’t care about ethnicity. I don’t care about religion. I don’t care if they have five children or no children. I’m just looking for a companion for the rest of my life.’ Having only one requirement is at the opposite end of the spectrum to my client with the spreadsheet, and I realise that’s not realistic for most of us, but the closer we are to that point, the richer the pool becomes.

It all comes back to the size of your pipeline. If you only have one requirement, your pipeline of potential matches is going to be much wider than someone with 150 items on their wish list. And you want your pipeline to be as wide as possible so more fish can swim through it, and then you can whittle down the numbers through your interactions. Most people start with a super narrow pipeline – you need to have good feet just to get in – and when you do that, you severely limit your potential matches. In fact, you can soon start to believe that this person doesn’t exist. And that is a very dangerous place to be.

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